One of the things that I like about what I do is that each day is different. In fact, a day in funeral service can change rapidly- it only takes a death call to change your plans. We often joke in our family to make plans to go out to dinner or a movie, and it guarantees a death call.
Tomorrow will be a different day for me. I am embarking on a project that I have never done before. I was called upon by a group of Catholic nuns who have moved from their monastery that they have called home for 85 years to undertake the relocation of their private cemetery. Tomorrow I will oversee the disinterment of four remains. Three are urns that have been buried for a number of years. Those should not be too big a deal. The more interesting one is a casket that has been buried since 1955. The casket was buried directly in the ground; no vault was used to support the weight of the earth or protect the contents of the casket. Sister Marie died before that practice became commonplace.
Last week we disinterred three of the sisters who had been buried for 10 to 26 years. Those three were removed from the graves and the vaults that contained their caskets and were cremated. Cremation really simplified the process for this particular situation.
I hope to have this project completed within two weeks. When we are finished nine disinterments will have been performed. We will also undertake the interments that will be performed in Oldenburg. The sisters have moved to Oldenburg where they will essentially become obsolete over time. Their order dwindled to about eight individuals, so it became less and less possible to exist as a community on their own.
Yes, every day is different in funeral service. This project is definitely one that provides an opportunity to gain knowledge and wisdom about a topic that funeral directors don't always know a whole lot about- that being, what happens when a person is buried for a period of time? Do vaults work? I do consider this project a special honor to have been called upon to oversee. It is being done well, with honor and much respect.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Every funeral is different
Our funeral home is in a community of about 11,000 people, southwest of a major metropolitan area in the Midwest. In many respects we still enjoy the quaintness of a small town. There are advantages though because we are close to a larger city to take in shows, music, and the like. Some would argue that being an advantage. Those some are the people who have lived here since they were born and have witnessed the many changes that, in many ways, have made our community a suburb of the larger metropolitan city that we neighbor.
Most of the families we are honored to serve call on us after a long full life has been lived. Mom or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa, Aunt or Uncle has died after a long bout with cancer, a series of strokes, a massive heart attack, or pneumonia set in during a stay in the local nursing home. Those are natural deaths- the body wears out. Sure, we have our share of other things too. A young man takes his own life with a shot gun. A middle aged woman "accidentally" overdoses on a sleeping medication. Every single person dies his or her own death- each death distinctly different than the other one.
The one family we are serving right now called our funeral home because a murder occurred. This a rare occurrence in our town. As I said, our town is still "quaint", on many levels. The man who died lived in one of the new subdivisions that has been developed as the city has moved our way. It is in a large development that is threatening to many of the long time local folks who have lived here all of their lives. Many of them feel that this growth causes things just like this murder with which we are dealing.
A murder or homicide is an unbelievable thing for a family to deal with. A death is bad enough, but to know that your loved has suffered too as his or her life ended takes this death monster to a whole different level. Death is not fair; a murder really is not fair. As this death has unfolded and the stories have been told, it has become apparent that this man was murdered because of his sexual orientation. He lived with another man, his partner, who was also beaten to death, in a very consertative area of the midwest. This crime occurred in their own home- think about that for just a moment. Our state does not have a hate crime law, so the media has not used that terminology. I guess all in all, I have not focused too much on the reality of all of this. Perhaps until just a moment ago, I subconsciously chose to repress the sick and harsh reality of this crime.
The memorial service for this man is tomorrow. A service is supposed to provide a level of comfort for the family. A service is supposed to help "closure". A service is supposed to help facilitate the grieving process. This family's grieving process will be very unique. Not only are the suffering the loss of a dad, brother, uncle, grandfather, and friend, they also told me they are constantly looking over their shoulder. They are wondering if the murderer is looking for them next. Think about that for a moment with something gets you down. This kind of a situation puts life in perspective for you very quickly. Perhaps tomorrow's service will help; I hope it does. If anything, we will stop and realize that a life has been lived, and a life has been taken this time very unfairly.
Most of the families we are honored to serve call on us after a long full life has been lived. Mom or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa, Aunt or Uncle has died after a long bout with cancer, a series of strokes, a massive heart attack, or pneumonia set in during a stay in the local nursing home. Those are natural deaths- the body wears out. Sure, we have our share of other things too. A young man takes his own life with a shot gun. A middle aged woman "accidentally" overdoses on a sleeping medication. Every single person dies his or her own death- each death distinctly different than the other one.
The one family we are serving right now called our funeral home because a murder occurred. This a rare occurrence in our town. As I said, our town is still "quaint", on many levels. The man who died lived in one of the new subdivisions that has been developed as the city has moved our way. It is in a large development that is threatening to many of the long time local folks who have lived here all of their lives. Many of them feel that this growth causes things just like this murder with which we are dealing.
A murder or homicide is an unbelievable thing for a family to deal with. A death is bad enough, but to know that your loved has suffered too as his or her life ended takes this death monster to a whole different level. Death is not fair; a murder really is not fair. As this death has unfolded and the stories have been told, it has become apparent that this man was murdered because of his sexual orientation. He lived with another man, his partner, who was also beaten to death, in a very consertative area of the midwest. This crime occurred in their own home- think about that for just a moment. Our state does not have a hate crime law, so the media has not used that terminology. I guess all in all, I have not focused too much on the reality of all of this. Perhaps until just a moment ago, I subconsciously chose to repress the sick and harsh reality of this crime.
The memorial service for this man is tomorrow. A service is supposed to provide a level of comfort for the family. A service is supposed to help "closure". A service is supposed to help facilitate the grieving process. This family's grieving process will be very unique. Not only are the suffering the loss of a dad, brother, uncle, grandfather, and friend, they also told me they are constantly looking over their shoulder. They are wondering if the murderer is looking for them next. Think about that for a moment with something gets you down. This kind of a situation puts life in perspective for you very quickly. Perhaps tomorrow's service will help; I hope it does. If anything, we will stop and realize that a life has been lived, and a life has been taken this time very unfairly.
Will the phone ever ring?
Sometimes you hear that funeral directors sit around wait for the phone to ring. To a certain extent, that is true. I find myself doing that exact thing on a pretty regular basis lately. For some reason we are experiencing a very quiet spell in our business. It's not that people are dying and not calling us, it's just that people are not dying in our town and service area.
We typically serve about 180 families per year at our funeral home. People often ask how many funerals we do a week. Well, the fact of the matter is that some weeks we do 2, some we do 9, some we don't do any. As it all averages out, it usually ends at about 180 per year. There are busy times, and there are slow times. I prefer to be busy. A "normal" month we do about 15 calls. It is easier to deal with if you look at it over a longer period of time.
The funeral business is an interesting one on many levels. If you let it, it will absolutely drive a person insane. When we hit these times when we are not busy for a week or so at a crack, I make a very strong effort to spend more time at home, workout more, catch up on the things that I cannot get to when we are busy. My wife says that she always knows when we are slow because I start cleaning things out (i.e. closets, drawers, etc.) Needless to say, it does not sit well with Mary Beth. I say our business is interesting because no matter how much advertising we do, no matter how many little league teams we sponsor, no matter how many Lions, Kiwanis, Rotary, Lodge, or Knights of Columbus meetings we go to, if people are not dying, the phone does not ring. So, do we sit around and wait for the phone to ring? I guess we do some of that. To make it perfectly clear, as I sit in bed and type this blog, my phone is sitting next to me on my bedside table where it will sit all night... just in case it rings.
We typically serve about 180 families per year at our funeral home. People often ask how many funerals we do a week. Well, the fact of the matter is that some weeks we do 2, some we do 9, some we don't do any. As it all averages out, it usually ends at about 180 per year. There are busy times, and there are slow times. I prefer to be busy. A "normal" month we do about 15 calls. It is easier to deal with if you look at it over a longer period of time.
The funeral business is an interesting one on many levels. If you let it, it will absolutely drive a person insane. When we hit these times when we are not busy for a week or so at a crack, I make a very strong effort to spend more time at home, workout more, catch up on the things that I cannot get to when we are busy. My wife says that she always knows when we are slow because I start cleaning things out (i.e. closets, drawers, etc.) Needless to say, it does not sit well with Mary Beth. I say our business is interesting because no matter how much advertising we do, no matter how many little league teams we sponsor, no matter how many Lions, Kiwanis, Rotary, Lodge, or Knights of Columbus meetings we go to, if people are not dying, the phone does not ring. So, do we sit around and wait for the phone to ring? I guess we do some of that. To make it perfectly clear, as I sit in bed and type this blog, my phone is sitting next to me on my bedside table where it will sit all night... just in case it rings.
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