Every funeral is different

Our funeral home is in a community of about 11,000 people, southwest of a major metropolitan area in the Midwest. In many respects we still enjoy the quaintness of a small town. There are advantages though because we are close to a larger city to take in shows, music, and the like. Some would argue that being an advantage. Those some are the people who have lived here since they were born and have witnessed the many changes that, in many ways, have made our community a suburb of the larger metropolitan city that we neighbor.

Most of the families we are honored to serve call on us after a long full life has been lived. Mom or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa, Aunt or Uncle has died after a long bout with cancer, a series of strokes, a massive heart attack, or pneumonia set in during a stay in the local nursing home. Those are natural deaths- the body wears out. Sure, we have our share of other things too. A young man takes his own life with a shot gun. A middle aged woman "accidentally" overdoses on a sleeping medication. Every single person dies his or her own death- each death distinctly different than the other one.

The one family we are serving right now called our funeral home because a murder occurred. This a rare occurrence in our town. As I said, our town is still "quaint", on many levels. The man who died lived in one of the new subdivisions that has been developed as the city has moved our way. It is in a large development that is threatening to many of the long time local folks who have lived here all of their lives. Many of them feel that this growth causes things just like this murder with which we are dealing.

A murder or homicide is an unbelievable thing for a family to deal with. A death is bad enough, but to know that your loved has suffered too as his or her life ended takes this death monster to a whole different level. Death is not fair; a murder really is not fair. As this death has unfolded and the stories have been told, it has become apparent that this man was murdered because of his sexual orientation. He lived with another man, his partner, who was also beaten to death, in a very consertative area of the midwest. This crime occurred in their own home- think about that for just a moment. Our state does not have a hate crime law, so the media has not used that terminology. I guess all in all, I have not focused too much on the reality of all of this. Perhaps until just a moment ago, I subconsciously chose to repress the sick and harsh reality of this crime.

The memorial service for this man is tomorrow. A service is supposed to provide a level of comfort for the family. A service is supposed to help "closure". A service is supposed to help facilitate the grieving process. This family's grieving process will be very unique. Not only are the suffering the loss of a dad, brother, uncle, grandfather, and friend, they also told me they are constantly looking over their shoulder. They are wondering if the murderer is looking for them next. Think about that for a moment with something gets you down. This kind of a situation puts life in perspective for you very quickly. Perhaps tomorrow's service will help; I hope it does. If anything, we will stop and realize that a life has been lived, and a life has been taken this time very unfairly.